I’m dying…


slowly but sure I think I’m dying… not literary, thank GOD I’m fine, I am not sick, I’m absolutely fine. But I’m sure I really dying, not physically, but here inside, in my mind, my spirit is dying.
I already feel it quite sometimes, I think it will be OK after a while, but it’s not, it’s getting worse. And I don’t know how to cure it…. I never feel so desperate like this and I don’t know how and why this happen, I’m lost, when I’m not going anywhere.

The time goes, day by day… and I’m just like zombie… doing this and that without thinking or feeling… just finish it, to full fill my obligation.

I miss all the excitement, all the challenge, all the fun… the feeling alive.

Should I stop here? Should I surrender? Will I die peacefully… Will all the emptiness gone?

But I can’t stop here, I don’t want to stop here. I know I’m strong enough to continue, I still can run fast, faster than before. I just need something, or someone or nothing at all.
I know I’m dying…. but for sure I won’t be die for nothing, not before I fight it.

Dyah Isnaemi
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