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The unfinished finish line

Nov 22, 2008

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The Finish line. So elusive for something that never moves.

Gran Turismo 4

I usually never remembered what I dreamt last night, unless it’s downright nightmare, or something so off the wall bizarre. So when I write a blog about the dream I dreamt recently, trust me it’s weird.

So, here it goes. I dreamt that I was run on a track. It’s weird cuz I suck at sport, why would I dream about running on track? Did I run from something? After I woke up and try to solved the puzzle. I think I know what that dream means.

I run on a single rack, but it’s more like a train rail, I couldn’t change lane, except for some intersection, which is rare, but I’ll bump into it some way or another. Sometimes I run together toward the same way with some familiar faces, then our tracks is separated, sometimes our path crossed, sometimes we not. I see others track is a straight line while the others is going round, while some others is like a labyrinth.

The sad thing is, I saw a couple run on toward same direction, but somewhere in it, one is stopped, while the other keep on running and nothing he could do about it. I know, cuz I can’t stop running and turn back. All I can do is moving forward. I saw some people just can’t run anymore, but they can’t stop, they keep moving, crawling, even slithering! Hell, WTF is this?

Did I wake up in the wrong side of the bed? Or maybe I sleep in the wrong position? After try to contemplate and figure out the meaning of that dream, I came to conclusion that it’s a warning to me about life? Why? I think the track I ran is my life. Some said that our fate is preordained even before we were born, the only way we could change it, is with pray (HARD) and trying to change it (HARD), and hope the grace of God will help us.

Sometimes I have to make decision that would change my life forever, the intersection, cross road of my life. Sometimes I have to make the hard choice. Whatever the outcome, I have to digest it, like it or not. When you think about it, why bother about the past, it’s only the future that didn’t last. We couldn’t do anything about it anyway. Maybe that’s why “time” is in list of my hated things in life. They say “time will tell”, “better in time”, etc. But time stole away everything, the bad times, even the good things. Then again, nothing good can last, so does the bad. Maybe it was worth because it can’t last. So we have to treasure, to cherish every moment of it.

About nothing good can last, so does partnership or friendship. We are running toward the same way because at that moment we have the same goal, when we reached it, or failed to do so, we could be separated, maybe our path cross some day, maybe we’re not, but it was worth all the while. Just like The All American Reject said, “All you gotta be is strong, move along, move along. Like I know you do.”

But is it true that our fate is preordained, so if our prayer is answered and our course is changed, will it be like that movie, “Final Destination”, death, or in this case, fate will keep haunt us, only seems to delayed but not cancelled? Then again, we gonna die anyway, sometimes we lose, sometimes we won. Why worry?

But of course I’m worried! Some people walk the straight line, paved with gold, while others try their best and still didn’t get the chance. It’s kinda unfair. Maybe cuz I didn’t see the bigger picture or something, but some were born talented and some were suck it’s for the balance. If we all are the same, there’s no added value in things right? When we all are super heroes, there will be no super heroes.

But I wonder, what happen when I reached the finish line? Or is any? I swear I saw it, but it just so hard to reach, it’s like it moves away from me, from my grasp. Will I make it? But I now it’s there somewhere, I know cuz in my dream I saw other reach it, he celebrate for a moment, then run again, it’s a never ending! But it has an ending I saw some stopped (I think he’s dead and can’t run again, is that the finish line?). Or maybe the finish line is good place to start, like they say, “there’s always another mountain to climb, another place to go.”

Wow, is God send me a warning? A sign that I have to start a revolution from my bed? To change the way I live, or even changed the world? Hell, it’s just a dream anyway. I better get more sleep, maybe I dream of “getting some” with Yabuki Haruna or Rhona Mitra (seriously, I’m hopeless, and can’t be helped twisted guy heh?).