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Lost

Mar 7, 2009

1871

"What are we doing, Bruce? When I was growing up with you, I always knew exactly where the line was… exactly what we did, exactly what we didn't do and why. But Jason didn't know what the hell he was doing or why, and Tim spends half his time trying to decide if it's even worth doing, and Stephanie… [whisper] Stephanie went up against odds so bad that even I would have to say it couldn't be done. [regular volume] Do you still know? Do you still know what we're doing? Because you seem murky to me, Bruce, you seem closer and closer to the line everytime I look at you, and that line keeps moving, and me… Bruce, I'm lost."

Dick Grayson/Nightwing (Nightwing #123)

Continuing my last week blog about everyman for himself, I think this week blog quite a continuity of last week blog, what’s the conection? Read and find out then. Recently, a friend of mine are have had some kinda crisis, in faith. I know it seems cheesy, but to him, his faith are torned apart. Why? That’s the cheesy part if you ask me, she had lost his mother. Probably it’s just to much for him to handle, eh?!

OK, his mother is everything she ever had, since he lost his father since, well since the day he wasn’t even born (clue: you bastard!!). The strange thing is, he was a devoted Christian guy (I’m a Moslem, but I always admire his devotion to his faith), he went to church every Sunday, and on any given day he is doing his sin confession (he ain’t even watch porn for Gods sake! At least not addicted like most male who became hungry wolves when a new porn is came up). I’m a very cynical man who sometimes even questioning God and all that ethereal stuff, but I believe if there’s a heaven, he’ll be in there, I bet a ruble to a dollar!

His mother departed, in all honesty, is not something sort of a surprise, he should’ve known he and his mother had it coming for a long time, it’s cancer dude, it’s like just counting the days, the days are numbered. But I guess his mother it’s the only pillar he had for surviving the game. And honestly dude, we all gonna die anyway, and look at the state of youth, it’s absolutely normal for the mom to departed first than the son right? So her departed felt like the end of the day for him. But if you ask me, is it worth all he ever believed in? All his effort to lived by his faith? I mean right know all he ever did was some sort of blasphemy and recklessness also total rehash of his faith.

There’s a lot of other people who suffer more than him, but they survive, and able to maintain their faith (try Palestine, Africa, etc). I mean is, the lost of the loved one ain’t something like revealing that somehow that every step we took in faith is betrays us, something like knowing that our cult is actually a misguided or infidel to some religion who claimed to be pure or something. Well I just hope the guys who survived are not living a blind faith or something. Take a look around, this ain’t paradise, but it’s all we’ve got, so just make the most of it. If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you with.

Well I do know that faith is something very personal, and just like religion, it is something dogmatic and almost not open for debate. But it’s also because it’s something very personals, it’s up to us to face it or handle it. We just have to realize that sometimes the thing that support us, in this case faith or religion, are the things that usually stopping us to become better. Let me put it this way, how many of you have heard “if it meant to be, it meant to be”, or “in Indonesia “you don’t have to search your love mate” free translation of “Jodoh tidak usah dicari” (yeah right, I prefer “Katakan Cinta” tag line, love will find you, if you try). I hope you get my point, sometimes the faith that supposed to support us sometimes become the one who blocking us to move forward, it became the one who holding us back, and makes us clinging to yesterday (you, know, it’s like every time government representative always babbling about how great Indonesia was, in Majapahit, Soekarno era, etc in the beginning of official government speech. What past is past, we live right now, and the future is now, not yesterday).

It’s not like religion or whatever that support us is bad or something, but with all honesty what I wanna say is mostly about religion. Well, maybe I’m an atheist, have a tendency to being one at least, but let me tell you a story about Darwin, the guy who made famous “origin of species theory” / “the evolution theory”. You’d probably think he is an atheist, but no my friend. He is a devoted Christian, he just didn’t agree with “evidence of Christianity” by William Paley, a devoted Christian who fights hard for Christianity-ism in the age where rationality, human autonomy and science established everyday (Darwin just being misunderstood as a lost lamb of God, not related to the great Rock Band with the same name , just like everyone considered “Kama Sutra” as a guidebook for sex, which is true for some part, but since it was written by a monk who never married nor have sex, it’s heavily sided on spiritual side. I’m not lying, I read it, out of curiosity of course ^_^). Darwin disagree with Paley after Darwin discover that no creature / species in this world is perfect. Every creature adapt with environment and change, physically, mentally, etc. Darwin also discover the dark side of man and he questioned “How come the design of God called perfect if unjust is so heart-breaking, so vividly awful”, Darwin discover racism, slavery, which is a scandal for every nation with Christianity as MAJOR / NATIONAL RELIGION. He questioned why if the design of God is so perfect, God let this anomaly, friction, or whatever it is that set the evil, the unjust happens in this world.

Hell, even human (the most perfect creature taught by most religion) it self it’s imperfect. But I believe that the imperfection is what makes human, and every other creature also is perfect, beautiful. I mean if we all perfect, we be just like machine that do the same chore everyday, no variety, how boring would that be? The uncertainty of the future, the catastrophic wait to be happens in every second, the change of routine life. Just like what Darwin belief “Nature is full of contraptions as it is if contrivance”. Maybe that’s the way God decided to create life. Maybe the natural selection, the evolution theory was meant to be in the first place.

Well, whatever people said, I believe Darwin is not lost. On contrary he found peace, home, whatever people said. Maybe my friend not lost to, he just stray a little from his faith, cuz if you ask me, we all been there, strayed. It’s part of life, part of growing up (which is waaay more fun that being grown up). I believe that if one door of happiness is closed, another door is opened, it’s life, it’s the way it is. Just like Our Lady Peace song “life”, “life, it’s waiting for you. It’s all messed up but we’re alive oh life, it’s waiting for you. It’s all messed but we’re, but we’ll survive”.